1. “It’s good to be scared, It means you still have something to lose.” – Richard Webber
As someone who has lived with social anxiety my entire life, I’ve grown to realize that having fear is apart of life. However when it takes over your life, it is no longer healthy. I tried everything I could think of to try and beat my anxiety but after a lifetime of struggle I finally caved and got myself on medication. I’m not saying that medication is for everyone but for me it gave me enough peace that I was able to have control of my own thoughts and feelings. I still struggle from time to time with my anxiety but I know that fear is apart of growth, if it scares you, you need to push harder. I am still that shy girl who ov everything but at least now I know that fear is a healthy part of growing. If you fear something, you try harder and push harder to do those things that scares you because once you have conquered that fear you will wonder why you were so afraid in the first place. Now if you’re scared of spiders I don’t recommend running into a pit of spiders unless maybe that is a fear you want to conquer, but I’m talking about the big fears like job interviews or asking that girl/guy out. I know my biggest fear is losing my daughter and that means I strive every day to make sure she is healthy and happy and out of harms way, but I don’t let those fears make me bubble wrap her even though I wish I could!
2. “If you want crappy things to stop happening to you, then stop accepting crap and demand something more.” – Christina Yang
This is something I wish I heard when I was 10 because I have always been that girl to let people treat me badly and walk all over me, and taking shit from people who I shouldn’t have and even as a 23-year-old adult I still have those moments where I don’t let people know that they hurt me or say what I should-be said etc. After being in a few really crappy relationships I learned to tell people how I feel even if it sucks. I don’t think anyone wants to be walked all over and taken advantage of… I certainly don’t! so after being treated like shit for months and months I started to treat my ex how he treated me and he ended up dumping me for it, guess he couldn’t take his own medicine?… kind of funny when you think about it. so after that relationship especially, after being treated like a door mat and being lied to non stop I decided I won’t let another man or anyone for that matter, treat me like I don’t because I do matter and I demand more than crap treatment! I have to be a role model to my daughter and in 6 months son/daughter so would I accept someone treating them like that? HELL NO. Love yourself enough to know when enough is enough and to stop the crappy things from continuing on. YOU deserve better than a shit life.
3. “Knowing is better than wondering. Waking is better than sleeping, and even the biggest failure, even the worst, beats the hell out of never trying.” – Meredith Grey
I always preferred to not know, preferred to sleep and preferred to not try. Sad right? I mean I suppose in some regards speaking past tense, I’d still rather not know but when you really think about it if I knew the truth at least I could move on from wondering if it happened or not. I’ll be the first to admit, I love sleeping.. escaping, Dreaming! but when you’d rather sleep than wake, you are not a happy person and really ask what bothers you or what you hate about your life and find ways to make being awake a more enjoyable thing for you.. for me.. it was the little things and my daughter that gets me out of bed every morning and failing.. i hate failing. I hate failing so much that I avoided trying. I didn’t get those jobs I wanted, I didn’t get my driver’s licence, I didn’t write that test or talk in front of classes in case I’d look stupid and fail. etc. I was so afraid of failing that I just avoided it and you just can’t do that in life. You need to fail to succeed. There is no success without the failures, that is how you learn to do better the next time.
4. “If you love someone, you tell them. Even if you’re scared that it’s not the right thing. Even if you’re scared that it’ll cause problems. Even if you’re scared that it will burn your life to the ground, you say it, and you say it loud and you go from there.” – Mark Sloan
!!!! Greys’ Anatomy spoiler alert !!!! If you remember this episode as vividly as I do (If you’re a grey’s fan like I am.. You will know that this is a very straight forward message. In the previous episodes the group of surgeons got into a plane crash where mark sloan lost the love of his life and for weeks before he wanted to tell her how much he loved her since they were an off and on again couple. I agree on so many levels because people don’t live forever and plus you will just drive yourself bat shit crazy if you don’t tell the people you love the most that you love them. So grow a pair and tell them you love them – or call your parents, kids etc and tell them you love them!
5. “Don’t let what he wants eclipse what you need. He’s very dreamy but he’s not the sun, you are.” – Christina Yang
I’ve let so many guys “ruin my life” so to say. I let them stomp on my dreams, lie to me, cheat on me, manipulate me … all that stuff because I let myself revolve around them and cater to their every need. I always did everything for THEM and never anything for ME and felt guilty when I wanted to make a step in a direction for myself. Now knowing that the majority of my relationships were NOT healthy in any way shape or form, I’m starting to realize that relationships should not be one person bending over backwards to make the other person happy, but more so being each others cheerleaders in life. Helping each other grow stronger and be better people, not just one person exceeding while the other one uplifts them and falls into the sidelines. No matter how handsome or charming your man or woman is, for the love of god… realize you deserve just as much as they do.. you’re allowed to have hobbies, friends, a career etc. and you shouldn’t ever feel bad for wanting those things in a relationship, your partner should always be encouraging. If your needs are not met, and they wont budge… don’t make sacrifices that they wouldn’t make for you. Simple as that.
6. “Just when we think we figured things out, the universe throws us a curveball. So, we have to improvise. We find happiness in unexpected places. We find ourselves back to the things that matter the most. The universe is funny that way. Sometimes it just has a way of making sure we wind up exactly where we belong. – Meredith Grey
I’ve been thinking about this quote a lot lately, how that when we think we’ve got it figured out, when we think we’re doing okay – Life laughs and throws a curve ball for us to try to figure out all over again. No matter what struggle or rut or whatever shit storm life has thrown me, it’s also made sure I was protected in the midst of it. Life always works itself out even though at the time it seems like everything is falling apart.
7. “It turns out sometimes you have to do the wrong thing. Sometimes you have to make a big mistake to figure out how to make things right. Mistakes are painful, but they’re the only way to find out who we really are.” – Denny Duquette
This couldn’t be more spot on. I regret every mistake I’ve ever made. I’ve lied, Cheated, stolen, etc. I’ve been a bad friend, girlfriend, and all the things in between… hell, I’ve even been an addict and with all those awful and embarrassing things I’ve done and put myself through, I’ve learned the hard way that because of my mistakes – I know that I don’t want to be a bad girlfriend, mother, friend etc. Mistakes are made so that we can grow and learn what not do again.
8. “You know as well as I do it’s not about what you look like, or your job, or how successful you are. It’s about having people in your life that you love and who love you. That’s all that matters.” – Miranda Bailey
This one tickles the feels for me because I believe in love. I believe that no matter where you are in life, As long as you have someone you love and who loves you that’s all you need, and I’m not talking about a relationship. I’m talking about friends and family. For me it’s my daughter.. So long as I have her, I’m home.
9. “Sometimes the future changes quickly and completely, and we’re left with only the choice of what to do next. We can choose to be afraid of it, to stand there trembling not moving, assuming the worst that can happen or we step forward into the unknown and assume it will be brilliant.” – Christina Yang
You either move forward or move backwards. Life won’t wait for you, it’ll just try to make its points more known and if you don’t step forward and learn it’s lessons it will continue to try and teach you them, each time harder than the last. I wish instead of being so afraid of what could happen that I just trusted life’s journey and moved forward with it.
10. “It can be scary to find out you’ve been wrong about something. But we can’t be afraid to change our minds, to accept that things are different, that they’ll never be the same, for better or for worse. We have to be willing to give up what we used to believe. The more we’re willing to accept what is and not what we thought; we’ll find ourselves exactly where we belong.” – Christina Yang
Nothing has hurt me more than realizing I was wrong. That what I pictured was no longer there anymore. That what you thought was happening, wasn’t. What you thought was going to happen, didn’t. That the things I wanted to believe in weren’t true or right. The hardest things in life for me to accept is when I’m wrong about someone, but one of the best things I’ve learned in my stubborn process was that letting go of those things I was holding onto put me where I needed to be. My life is nowhere near perfect, in fact it’s a huge mess but at least I’m not pretending my life is amazing when it’s not, and like it’s going great, or my boyfriend is amazing when it’s not and he wasn’t. so take things for what it really is and accept your errors and life will reward you for that. the biggest mistake I made was doing everything for a man who wouldn’t budge for me. I believed so hard that I had the perfect life because I had what I dreamed of for so long – a family. Even though it was a really fucked up relationship and I gave up a lot to be that woman for him, I won’t get into it because it’s not my place to say what happened but needless to say – Leaving was the best thing I ever would’ve done for my own sanity and health. Nothing scared me more than realizing I was wrong about him, and our relationship. Nothing scared me more than realizing we weren’t going to last… cause what next? but it didn’t matter because life gave me SO many reasons to leave but I never did and finally we had enough and he left and now I’m free from all that crap that was holding me down. I don’t have the life I always dreamed of having but I’m on top of the world, I’m only responsible for myself and my children and I can finally breathe and smile and live the life I wanted and do the things I wanted to do before but couldn’t. I lived for worse… so many times so here I am .. trying to live for better!
– Autumn Smith April 20th/2018